Avi's crisis of being

1. I believe, without any doubts, in Hashem, as the one G-d that created the Universe and that created me.
2. I believe, without any doubts, that Hashem gave the Torah to the Jewish people on Har Sinai.
3. I believe, without any doubts, that the Torah is the blueprint for life.
4. I believe, without any doubts, that the purpose of life is to get as close to Hashem as possible; to strive to know Hashem.
5. I believe, without any doubts, that the ultimate way to accomplish this is through the study of Torah.

All this being said, why would I go home?
How can I know what I know and still choose to return home?
Assuming I want to get as close to Hashem as possible, (which I do as I believe it to be my purpose) and I know the best way is to stay and learn in Yeshiva, how can I possibly go home?
How can I return to the Diaspora?
How can I even be thinking about going home?

I try to justify to myself that I will slowly become more scholarly back home, and then come to the point where I will return to Israel to study. But, will I have another chance? Is this the one, true opportunity for me to see with absolute clarity my purpose? Will I get another shot? What sort of mental state will I be in in the future? Will it allow me the clarity I feel today?

I don't want to go home. I want to stay in Yeshiva to fulfill my purpose. If not, how will I answer Hashem on that day when I am judged? How will I explain my choices, when I know what I know....and I know it to be true?